Greetings, fellow pipers!
As some of you know, I’m not just a pipe blogger, but a storyteller, too. While I originally planned on writing some fiction stories for this blog, I confess I’ve had a difficult time coming up with an original story to tell here. Most of my fiction efforts have been on the novel I’m working on, but a story recently came to my mind, so I typed it up and posted it here as a Christmas present for all of you.
I planned on having this finished by Christmas, but with the holidays comes family obligations, which delayed the completion of this little festive tale. I hope you don’t mind reading a Christmas story a few days after the holiday, and that it brings you some festive cheer before the new year.
“So much for a white Christmas.”
Kyle scowled as he slammed the door to his minivan, glaring with disdain at the snow that still covered most of his front lawn. What had once been a beautiful snowfall a week ago had turned into a sludgy black mess, becoming an eyesore that had well worn out its welcome. Splotches of grass poked up from where the snow melted, leaving the ground soggy and muddy for whoever stepped in it. As Kyle stomped down the sidewalk to his front door, he could hear the excited barking of his dog, Abby, as she waited by the door for Kyle and his family to return.
After fumbling with his keys, Kyle unlocked the front door and was tackled by his hyperactive cocker spaniel. Dogs have a special way of turning even the sourest moods around, and Kyle let a smile slip on his face as he scratched his dog behind her ear. Abby hopped around at Kyle’s feet for a moment before glancing past his legs, searching for the other members of the family before cocking her up at her master.
“It’s just you and me girl for the next few days,” sighed Kyle as he shut the door behind him.
As Kyle hung up his winter coat, he rubbed his hands together and blew into them for warmth, before snatching a hooded sweatshirt off the coat rack and zipped it up. While the temperature in the house was considerably warmer than it was outside, with the heater out, he wouldn’t be warming up anytime soon.
Kyle walked down the hallway towards the kitchen and the back door, with Abby dutifully by his side. After unlocking the latch, Kyle opened the back door and let Abby run free to do her business. As Kyle watched Abby search for her perfect spot, his thoughts drifted back to his wife, Andrea, and his two sons, Max and Alex, who were currently waiting to board a plane to Michigan for Christmas.
Until yesterday afternoon, Kyle was going to be with them as they visited Andrea’s family for the holiday. Unlike some husbands, Kyle actually loved his in-laws, and Mike and Sandy, likewise, treated him as their son. Kyle had been looking forward to spending some time ice fishing with Mike at the creek behind their house. It was their yearly day after Christmas tradition. Andrea, Sandy, and his sons would go to the local mall for some holiday shopping, while Mike and Kyle would trudge down to the creek with poles in hand. They’d cut a hole in the ice, cast their lures in the water, and sit down and light their pipes while sipping hot coffee mixed with whiskey in their thermos for warmth. It didn’t matter if they caught any fish, the time spent together swapping stories was enough for the two of them.
As Kyle and Andrea were busy packing their bags for their flight, the two heard an ominous boom from the basement. Kyle could feel a knot in his stomach as he ran down the stairs, and much to his dismay, discovered that the heater had kicked the bucket. Calls were made, and a repairman arrived not an hour later. While the repairman promised that he could fix the heater, he didn’t have the right parts for the job. The repairman told Kyle and Andrea he’d have them in, but it wouldn’t be until the day after Christmas. As Kyle and Andrea watched the service van pull out of the driveway, the two considered their options.
“We could have Christmas here,” suggested Andrea as she placed her arm around Kyle. “Mom and dad’ll be disappointed, but they’ll understand.”
“No, we spent the money on the tickets,” replied Kyle in a gloomy tone. “You and the boys go ahead and see your parents. I’ll stay here with Abby and make sure everything’s in order.”
Andrea frowned as she turned to Kyle. “But you’ll be here all alone for Christmas. I can’t leave you here by yourself.”
Kyle scoffed as he hugged Andrea. “I spent Christmas alone in my apartment in college a few years. Believe me, there’s enough to do here to keep me busy while you’re gone.”
It took a bit more convincing, but Andrea eventually relented, and called her parents to give them the news. Kyle could hear the disappointment in Mike’s voice as he personally broke the bad news to his father-in-law.
“Looks like I won’t have a fishin’ partner this year,” lamented Mike on the other end of the phone.
“I’m not so sure about that,” replied Kyle as he glanced into the living room, watching his sons Max and Alex as their attention was glued to the video game they were playing. “I think it’s about time Max learned the fine art of fishing in the freezing cold.”
Kyle shut the sliding door after Abby trotted inside from her brief outdoor adventure. After wiping Abby’s paws with a dirty throw towel, Kyle pulled out his cell phone and dialed the local pizza parlor. While there was food in the refrigerator, Kyle wasn’t in the mood for cooking a Christmas meal. He’d have pizza today, and celebrate the holiday with a General Tso’s Chicken and egg roll feast tomorrow.
After placing his pizza order, Kyle wandered around the house while waiting for his dinner to arrive. With his family away, Kyle was at a loss with what to do with his newfound free time. He made his way up the stairs and into his study.
When he and Andrea first bought the house six years ago, they first made the room as Kyle’s office. Three years ago for Father’s Day, Andrea surprised him by redecorating the generic office space into more of a mancave. On one corner of the room sat the boring stuff— Kyle’s desk, his personal computer, and a filing cabinet for bills and paperwork. The rest of the office was more of a private sanctuary rather than a place for busywork. Antique metal ads for vintage motorcycles, pipe tobacco, and beer hung on the walls, as well as a well-worn dartboard. A leather armchair acted as the focal point for the rest of the room, with a turntable on one side, and a pipe ashtray sitting on top of an end table on the other. Next to the turntable sat a bookshelf filled with novels, old college textbooks, and research material for casual reading. Above the end table sat rows of shelves, which featured the prize of Kyle’s study— his pipes and tobacco.
Kyle paused as he stood in front of his pipe shelf, looking over the two-dozen briar pipes sitting in multiple pipe racks. Kyle could remember where he was when he purchased each pipe. Yet one particular pipe captured his attention at the moment, a rusticated black billiard made by Parker Pipes. This particular pipe held a special place in Kyle’s heart, as it was his first.
Back in college, Kyle had been a cigarette smoker, a habit he picked up in high school shared by his friends. When he first met Andrea, she tolerated his habit, though she never held back her desire for him to quit. Try as he might, Kyle could never quite kick his addiction. That was, until that fateful summer day when the two drove up to Michigan to visit Andrea’s parents. Kyle spent most of the day talking with his future in-laws, and telling them about his life. After dinner, Kyle excused himself from the table, and sat outside on the front porch as he pulled out an almost empty carton. As Kyle fished for his lighter, he heard the front door swing open as Mike stepped outside with a beer in hand to join him. Spotting the pack of cigarettes in Kyle’s hand, Mike gave a look of disapproval and shook his head.
“Seems like we have a little problem here,” said Mike. “No future son-in-law of mine is going to be a cigarette smoker.”
Embarrassed, Kyle played it off with a laugh and placed the cigarette back in the pack. “Yeah, I’ve been tryin’ to quit for Andrea, but I can’t seem to kick the things.”
Kyle readied himself for a lecture from the old navy man, but instead, the disapproving frown turned into a smirk on Mike’s face. Mike held out his hand and pulled the young man up to his feet.
“See, if you’re gonna be part of our family, then you have to follow the rules,” said Mike, as he pulled a bent billiard pipe from his vest pocket. “If you’re gonna smoke, then you’re gonna learn how to smoke a pipe.”
Kyle was taken aback by the comment. Smoke a pipe? That’s what old men and sailors smoked as far as Kyle was concerned. Truth be told, Kyle could count on his hand the times he had encountered a pipe smoker in his life.
“Maybe when I’m fifty-five and ready to retire,” joked Kyle, but judging from Mike’s expression, the man wasn’t kidding.
“Fifty-five?” scoffed Mike. “Son, I was younger than you when I bought my first briar. It’s a family tradition goin’ back generations, and even my two boys are pipe men.” Mike opened the front door and motioned for Kyle to follow him. “Come on, throw that pack out and follow me, and that’s an order.”
Though hesitant at first, but wanting to make a good first impression with his future father-in-law, Kyle begrudged the man’s request and tossed the pack out in the garbage before following Mike down into the basement. The two walked through the finished basement before entering into Mike’s workshop.
Mike took a moment to show Kyle his own hideaway. Besides his tools and workbench, the room was decorated in a nautical theme with souvenirs from Mike’s world travels with the navy. Mike’s pipes sat front and center on the shelf on the back wall, surrounded by German beer steins and beer glasses from the UK and Ireland. Even though Kyle couldn’t tell the difference between a billiard and a bulldog, the pipe novice was awestruck by older gentleman’s collection. Mike stood in front of his pipes with his hand stroking his scruffy chin as he studied his pipes, looking for a suitable one to pass on to the young man beside him. In the corner of his eye, he noticed Kyle walk up to the calabash on his rack and gazed at it in wonder.
Mike chuckled as he nudged Kyle away from the calabash. “Not so fast there, son. You’ve gotta learn the ropes before you try becoming Sherlock.”
Glancing again at his collection, Mike plucked a black rusticated billiard from the rack, and with a satisfied nod, he placed it in Kyle’s hands. “Now, this is more like it, a Parker. She’s a trusty pipe, with a good solid draw. It’s yours, so treat it with care.”
Kyle looked over the pipe, carefully turning it over in his hands as he inspected his new gift. While Kyle was lost in his thoughts, Mike placed a firm hand on Kyle’s shoulder as he added, “Of course, if you ever hurt my baby girl, I’ll be prying that back from your dead hands, understand?”
“Yes sir,” replied Kyle with a nervous chuckle. “You won’t have to worry about that.”
“Good, good, I’m glad we have an understanding,” said Mike with a smirk and a wink as he patted Kyle’s shoulder, before turning his attention to an assortment of jars and tins. Mike grabbed a circular tin from his stack and a spare pipe tool. “We’ll start you off with an aromatic. Take a whiff of that. Plenty of vanilla Black Cavendish, with a healthy dose of Virginias and Burley.” Mike popped the tin off for Kyle, and he took a sniff of the tobacco. He took an immediate liking to the fragrant tobacco, as the aroma reminded him of raisins and the fig newton cookies he enjoyed as a child.
“A little word of wisdom,” said Mike jovially as he set the open tin down on the workbench. “The nicer the aroma, the better off you are with the missus. Now then, time for your first lesson on smoking a pipe, how to fill the darn thing.”
Over the next few minutes, Mike explained the whole process of how to fill a pipe to Kyle before letting him do it himself, adding the occasional pointer as Kyle performed the three fill method for the first time. With their pipes packed and beers in hand, Mike and Kyle returned to the front porch. The two struck matches as Mike showed Kyle how to properly light and tamp his pipe. The whole process seemed overly complicated and fidgety to Kyle, but with his patient mentor, the young man was soon puffing away on his new pipe. While Kyle initially had trouble not inhaling the pipe smoke like he would with a cigarette, he soon had a steady rhythm going.
Over the next hour, Kyle and Mike talked about life and their past while puffing their pipes and sipping their beers. To Kyle’s surprise, he discovered he enjoyed smoking a pipe and the fellowship that came with it. Despite their difference in age, Kyle found Mike to be of a kindred spirit. Mike was no longer just the intimidating protector of Andrea, but rather someone he could look up to as a father figure for himself, something he lacked in his own life. By the time the tobacco had burnt to a white ash at the bottom of his bowl, Kyle felt sorry that their pipe time was coming to an end.
“So, how’d you like smoking a pipe?” asked Mike as he tapped the ash out of his bent billiard.
“I have to admit, I enjoyed it,” confessed Kyle as he scraped the ash out of his bowl with his pipe tool. “In fact, I think I’d be willing to switch to a pipe from now on.”
“Tell you what, tomorrow we’ll go to my tobacconist, and we’ll set you up with a few blends to take home,” said Mike, as Andrea and Sandy joined the two on the front porch. “And maybe find a basket pipe to go along with that one.”
“I’d like that,” replied Kyle, as he heard Andrea utter a groan behind him.
“Dad, you’re not corrupting my boyfriend into becoming like you, right?” asked Andrea with an annoyed smirk.
Mike gave a smug smirk as he crossed his arms. “Well, you know what they say, girls always end up marrying someone that reminds them of their father.”
Kyle allowed a brief smile for a moment as his remembered that fateful evening thirteen years ago. He and Andrea married the next year, and the year after, Kyle became a father when Max was born. Since then, Kyle kicked cigarettes completely and fell headlong into the world of pipes. Kyle’s friends teased him about his new hobby, but over time, he had converted a number of them into becoming pipe smokers. Whenever Kyle and Andrea visited her parents, Kyle would inevitably end up on the porch with Mike, bonding over their pipes.
Part of Kyle wanted to grab that Parker off the rack and reminisce over a bowl, but truth be told, his heart wasn’t in it. His heart was currently up in the sky next to Andrea and his sons, so he decided to occupy his time with an old computer game as he waited for his pizza to arrive. While video games couldn’t take the place of his family, at least shooting some zombies could provide some much needed distraction.
“You caught a Pikachu? Wow!” said Kyle as he chatted on his cellphone while pacing in the living room. “Is he pretty tough?”
“Yeah, and he has a super strong electric attack,” answered Alex proudly on the other end. “He zooms up and shocks his enemies.”
“Very cool, but don’t spend all your time playing your video game,” said Kyle as he stepped over Abby as she slept curled in a ball near the fireplace. “You need to get some of that reading done, and spend some time with grandma and grandpa.”
“I know dad, I will,” sighed Alex. Kyle heard Andrea ask for the phone on the other end, and Alex added, “Here’s mom. Love you dad.”
“Love you, too, bud.”
“Hey hon, mom wanted me to tell you that she’s sending me back with some of those Christmas cookies you love.”
Kyle plopped down into his armchair and took a sip of his soda. “Oh good, I was afraid I was going to miss out this year. Tell her I said thanks and give her my love.”
“Will do,” replied Andrea in a cheerful voice. “How are you holding up? Staying warm and out of trouble?”
“Yeah, it’s not so bad in the living room,” said Kyle as he glanced over at the fireplace. The fire was well and burning with the new log he placed inside before making his call. “I’ll probably sleep down here tonight while watching some movies.”
“Good idea,” said Andrea. “We miss you over here. Dad’s doing his best to hide it, but I can tell he’s not his usual self. But I hope you can still find a way to enjoy Christmas without us.”
“Oh, don’t worry about me,” assured Kyle. “I’ll manage somehow. You all have a good time tomorrow without me and give your brothers a hug from me.”
“I love you,” said Andrea.
“Love you, too,” replied Kyle, before the two ended the call.
Kyle placed his cellphone on the small table next to his armchair and picked up the TV remote. He turned on the flat screen and flipped through the channels, stopping on ESPN for a moment to check up on some scores before moving on. For once, Kyle was thankful that not every channel had Christmas programming, and settled in with a mindless 80’s action film.
After placing the remote on the table, Kyle’s eyes fell on the Savinelli billiard he had brought down from upstairs, along with a tin of Dunhill Nightcap and his pipe ashtray. While he was still glum over missing out with his family, he decided he’d somehow find a way to enjoy himself this lonely Christmas Eve. Kyle filled his pipe and lit it, tamping the ash down before lighting his pipe again and reclined in his chair. Abby awoke from her slumber and turned her head towards Kyle, and he placed a finger on his lips as he held his pipe.
“Don’t tell Andrea,” he said with a wink. “This is our little secret.”
Abby yawned and rested her head on her paws, wagging her tail contently by the cozy fire. Kyle soon grew bored watching his movie and shut the television off, choosing to smoke in the ambiance of the room. In truth, Kyle found it all peaceful, smoking his pipe in the comfort of the living room, lit only by the fireplace and Christmas tree, with the crackle of the fireplace as his soundtrack.
As the hour passed and his pipe grew low, Kyle felt sleep catching up to him. He grabbed his phone and checked the time. The screen said 11:24, and Kyle chuckled to himself. When he was younger, he’d stay up way past midnight for the chance to spot Santa as he delivered his presents under his tree. Now that he was an adult and in the Santa role for his kids, here he was, barely able to keep his eyes open. Kyle smiled to himself at the juxtaposition as he tapped the ash out of his pipe.
Reaching down beside the chair, Kyle pulled up the blanket he brought from upstairs and covered himself up to his neck. As he settled into his chair for his winter nap, he glanced down at Abby one more time while yawning.
“Goodnight girl,” said Kyle before shutting his eyes. A moment later, and Kyle was fast asleep.
Abby nudged her cold wet nose into Kyle’s arm, waking him up from his slumber. Kyle yawned as he sat up in his armchair and stretched his neck; hearing little pops and cracks as he did so. After years of sleeping in a large king sized bed, his body reminded him that an armchair is not an adequate replacement for a real bed. Through bleary eyes, Kyle checked the screen on his phone for the time, which displayed 6:37 AM.
“Didn’t you get the memo?” said Kyle as he frowned at Abby. “You sleep in on Christmas morning.”
“Fine, fine, I’m coming,” grumbled Kyle as he pushed the bottom of the reclining armchair back into place with his legs.
Abby danced around Kyle’s legs as he shuffled to the back sliding door and let her out. With a joyful bark, Abby dashed out into the yard, running around the perimeter of the fence with a bounce in her step. Kyle yawned again as he leaned against the door, waiting for Abby to finish up before heading upstairs and back into his own bed. While it was colder in his room, at least his neck wouldn’t be as sore.
As Kyle watched Abby run around, his mind went back to his family up in Michigan. He figured the boys were up by now, sitting at the Christmas tree and opening presents as his wife and in-laws watched with coffee in hand. Though Kyle was thankful for the extra sleep he’d have back at home, he missed watching the wonder and excitement on Max and Alex’s faces as they opened gifts.
For Kyle, there wouldn’t be any opening gifts this Christmas morning. He and Andrea decided they’d wait until after she flew back to exchange gifts. He didn’t mind the wait, as it wasn’t like the gifts would be going anywhere. He’d get to them eventually.
As Abby trotted back towards the house, Kyle opened the sliding door and let her back inside. With the frost on the ground, Kyle didn’t have to worry about wiping her paws off, the one benefit of letting her outside so early. After scooping some dog food into Abby’s dish, Kyle shuffled back towards the armchair to grab his cellphone before heading back upstairs.
Just as Kyle reached for his cellphone on the arm stand, his eyes fell upon something he hadn’t noticed before. Positioned behind his pipe ashtray sat a small rectangle box, wrapped perfectly in snowflake wrapping paper with a red and gold ribbon wound around it. Confused, Kyle plucked the box from the stand and studied it further. Had he somehow missed the box when he brought down his ashtray and pipe the previous night? He swore he couldn’t have, as he should’ve seen something as out of the ordinary as a Christmas present. But if it hadn’t been there when he went to sleep, then that would mean—no, that wasn’t possible. Kyle was sure he must’ve missed it the night before.
Sitting back down in his recliner, Kyle pulled out a small card, which was tucked underneath the ribbon that wrapped around the present. The card had an old illustration of Santa Claus on it, smoking a pipe as he warmed his tired feet on an old furnace. Kyle opened the card with a curious look on his face, and read the cursive handwriting inside.
Blessings and Holiday Cheer, to one who feels alone on Christmas this year.
May your heart be merry with a smoky pipe, puffing happily on this cold winter’s night.
From, A Fellow Pipe Man
Kyle puzzled over the card for a minute, reading the words and studying the script again and again. On one hand, he wouldn’t put it past Andrea to surprise him with a hidden gift before she left for the airport. On the other hand, he knew Andrea’s handwriting, and this didn’t match hers at all. While she had excellent penmanship, the script was too perfect and precise to be hers.
Truth be told, Kyle felt weirded out by the strange gift, and part of him wanted to get up, grab a baseball bat, and check all the locks inside the house. Yet Kyle’s curiosity got the better of him, and after removing the ribbon, he slid his finger underneath the tape and ripped open the wrapping paper.
Underneath the wrapping paper was an old navy blue box, with the word “Parker” written in plain white cursive. The box was old, as it still had dust on it left over from someone wiping the box clean. The box looked like it had been hidden away on some shelf, left to age for decades unopened. Now this grabbed Kyle’s attention, and he pulled the upper section of the box open to reveal a blue pipe sock inside, with the indentations of a pipe held within. Kyle tugged the edges of the sock open and pulled out a brand new vintage Parker pipe. The pipe was a classic bulldog, with two circular etched ridges around the smooth brown bowl, and a white stripe on the front of the stem by the shank. Kyle could hardly believe his eyes, and he turned the pipe over and over as he observed his new gift. The pipe was in perfect condition, unblemished and better yet, unsmoked.
“Would you look at that,” said Kyle with a grin on his face. “I wonder how long ago you were carved?”
That question would have to wait, as Kyle decided that he needed to celebrate the occasion by breaking the pipe in with a favorite blend. With all thoughts of going back to sleep behind him, Kyle headed upstairs with ashtray in hand to his study and snatched a tin of Squadron Leader from his shelf. After filling the bowl with the rich English blend, Kyle returned to his armchair, struck a match, and lit his new pipe. Great bellowing clouds of smoke wafted from the bowl of the bulldog pipe, filling the room with the campfire aroma of Latakia. Kyle leaned back in his chair and puffed contently, paying close attention to how his new Parker handled the christening smoke. Thankfully, the draw to the bulldog was smooth and easy, and it passed a pipe cleaner without any problems.
Though Kyle had planned on grabbing the novel he was currently working through to read while he smoked, the book slipped his mind as he enjoyed the quiet, relaxing solitude his pipe gave him. For the next forty-five minutes, all of his cares and worries were forgotten, chased away by steady wisps of pipe smoke. By the time the last of the tobacco burnt to ash, Kyle felt like a new man, his holiday spirits rekindled by his new briar. Kyle tapped the ash out of his pipe into the ashtray and ran a pipe cleaner through the stem, cleaning his new bulldog for his next smoke.
“I think you’ll do just fine,” said Kyle as he placed the pipe among his other briars in his pipe rack. “Yes, you’ll fit right in.”
“You sound like you’re in better spirits,” said Andrea in a happy tone on the other end of the phone. “Did the heater start working again?”
“No, it’s still as cold as ever,” laughed Kyle as he scratched Abby’s head. “But I had a nice surprise this morning thanks to you.”
“Oh?” inquired Andrea. “And how’s that?”
Kyle grabbed the empty Parker box and fumbled with it in his free hand. “I found the gift you left for me on the living room table. How’d you find an old pipe like that? Did your dad send it to you?”
There was a momentary pause on the other end of the phone, before Andrea answered, “I didn’t leave a present for you there. Just the socks under the tree.”
Kyle arched his eyebrow in confusion, before standing up and walking to the Christmas tree. Sure enough, there was a small, wrapped gift in the shape of a pair of socks sitting at the base of the tree.
“Wait, you didn’t leave a pipe for me by my chair?” asked Kyle with a hint of worry in his voice. “An old one in a dusty box?”
“Heck no,” replied Andrea with a scoff. “I wouldn’t know the first thing on what pipe to get you. I always let you pick that stuff out.”
Kyle tossed the wrapped socks on the couch as he went to each window, checking to make sure each one was latched shut. “And Mike didn’t send a gift in the mail? Are you sure? It was right next to me when I woke up this morning.”
“No, his gift for you is right here with me,” said Andrea in a deadpan voice.
There was silence on Kyle’s end of the phone as he checked every window and door, looking for any way someone could’ve entered the house without him knowing. Yet each window and door was locked tight, without any signs of breaking and entering.
“I don’t understand, how did I receive a pipe without you or the boys placing it here? I’ve checked everywhere twice, and there’s no way someone could’ve entered without me knowing.”
Andrea wasn’t sure how to answer, as the present was as much of a mystery to her as it was to Kyle. “I don’t know. Maybe you bought it for yourself and forgot about it?”
Kyle let out a laugh. “If I did, then my memory’s failing me. All I know is someone left a present for me, and I don’t know who could’ve done it.” Kyle fell back into his chair and ran his hand through his hair. “But whoever did it, they definitely brightened my Christmas, that’s for sure.”
Andrea chuckled and said, “You mean the socks didn’t turn Christmas around for you? That’s a shame.” The two shared a laugh, lightening the mood and erasing the fears of a possible home intruder. Once the laughter died down, Andrea added, “Maybe an angel left it for you? So they could get their wings?”
Kyle smiled as he reached for the Christmas card that came with the pipe. His eyes glanced over the picture of Santa once more, before the answer came to him. Of course, the gift giver had been staring at him the entire time.
“No, not an angel. More like a Saint.”
Merry Christmas, fellow pipers, and a happy 2019 to all of you.